You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
