That's intense
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize