I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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