Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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