At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
