Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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