But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
