chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There are leaves in my underwear?
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