you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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