There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
