Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
