Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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