This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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