So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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