God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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