I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize