I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
