Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
