All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
