WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
