im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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