I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
