i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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