he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
