When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
