I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
