Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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