I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
