I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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