well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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