i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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