your thong is hanging out like whoa
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
