WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
