She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
