Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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