good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
