So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
