covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize