I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
