in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize