You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
