u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
