Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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