Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
