Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize