My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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