i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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