Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
