***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
