Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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