3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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