Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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