I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
