You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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