i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
