He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
