A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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