Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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