just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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