she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
