I cannot find my penis.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
