I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize