I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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