Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
