so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
