Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Awesome_O hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!

Fav 13 956 6008
share tweet
(415): View more from California

what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance

Fav 34 1494 5084
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

Fav 8 6025 1317
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it

Fav 5 1230 3271
share tweet
(347): View more from New York

She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her

Fav 10 4884 1280
share tweet
(701): View more from North Dakota

I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.

Fav 1 1764 897
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(828): View more from North Carolina

They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.

Fav 6 1593 824
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.

Fav 0 672 439
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(708): View more from Illinois

you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises

Fav 0 42 14
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT