No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
