It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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