I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
