she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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