Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
