don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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