you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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