this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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