Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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