Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize