And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't deserve a penis
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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