Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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