Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
