She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
