C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
