This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
