After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You work out of a Hotel?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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