i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
