He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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