thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
