Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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