so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
