walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
