so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize