I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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