My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize