Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
