i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
