Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
