You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
