I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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